The Language of Worldwide Communication

Professor Jeremi Przyrobacki from Poland and Professor Philippe Delaroussexemount la Rousse von Mount from Lotafranconia met at the 1st International Professors Congress in Vodafos dedicated to the dialog about the role of professors in the modern institutionalized, disorganized, miniaturized and softy restitutionalized world.

Przyrobacki ran into la Rousse in the hall of the main conference center, constructed specially with the congress in mind.  They both had felt that this could be the beginning of a long and fruitful international scientific collaboration. There was only one, small problem of a rather human nature – Przyrobacki didn’t know Lotafrankish, von Mount didn’t know Polish, and neither one could speak a word of English.

But what do we have professors in this world for?

They decided, by using an improved and creatively embellished version of sign language, to create a whole new language altogether for the purpose of easy and comfortable communication in what they suspected would be an intensive and long-term exchange of scientific ideas.

The decision was made and a few key words were created right there and then.

“Gyna bodokalunia!” The Polish professor said to the Lotafrankish professor when they were parting.

”Gyna bodokalunia, karnuk kilmadorni esdar!” The Lotafrankish man answered energetically. The Chinese delegates watching the whole scene deduced the exchange contained codes for the Future Reverse Combat Online game and began to clap their hands.

The professors went home feeling that history had been made.

Two months later they met again for a working session in the mountains of Clezmeron where they were supposed to develop the basis of grammar and word-formation. After the first two days, devoted to informal brain cell exercises, the results were better than good. During the creative process, which was moderated by la Rousse according to the patented 4-192.5-3 method, the words most frequently used in any language, that is vulgarisms, were devised and listed here as “regrod”, “hurcia”, “larnogha” and “dygil”. On the third day, the ambitions of both professors – their own, as well as patriotic and academic became apparent, as well as and their competition for the affections of a certain Polish-Lotafrankish speaking and very blond assistant at their disposal from the university in Laronne.

As a result, after a month-long session only the basics of grammar and the name of the language were decided upon. To honor its creators, it was to be called “Przyrolarouish”. Word-forming, which caused the most battles between the two scientific talents, was to be calmly discussed during a three-month-long follow-up meeting on the Tralmar Sea coast sponsored by the leading mobile phone companies of both countries. Przyrobacki and la Rousse agreed that this time the assistant should definitely be a brunette.

The next working session was a failure. The work progressed too slowly, and the dark-haired assistant additionally distracted their attention by her visibly non-existent bra. Both professors soon realized that creating a new language was not an easy task. And if the mobile phone companies wouldn’t object, further work on the fundamentals of Przyrolarouish would take several, or more, years.

There were four more working sessions and frequent tele-conferences, during which, after long negotiations it was decided that the word-forming of the new language would in 37% follow Polish rules, and in 63% Lotafrankish.

Nine years later at a formal press conference, the professors announced their progress in creating a new language – the language of world-wide communication – and with that declaration their enthusiasm ran out.

Przyrobacki returned from the press conference late, totally absorbed by the fractal construction of a cellular anti-stem theory, with which he was infected by an accidentally met professor from the same institute. Granddaughter Theorysia ran over to greet her grandpa:

“Pyla jagudja, grandpa!”

“Pyla jaguduja! What, you’re not in bed?”

“I can’t remember how to say ‘turn off the light’ in Przyrolarouish.”

“Oh honey, gramps hasn’t come up with that yet.”

Theorysia frowned, her brow puckering.

“Grandpa?”

“Aha, this is going to be one of those intelligent questions, right, sweetheart? I can feel it. Ask away my love but grandpa’s not sure if he knows the answer.”

“Tell me grandpa, why did you decide to make up this language? How did it happen?”

“Hahaha! That’s my granddaughter! My inquiring mind!”

“So, tell me how?”

“Ah, nothing special, love. Grandpa didn’t know where the toilets where. Now Theorysia, go to bed. My granddaughter, ha!”